I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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