Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize