So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
