I think i peed on brittanys purse
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im about as happy as oj after his trial
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woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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