bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
