no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
