Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
don't judge my taste in strippers
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
