shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
