i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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