i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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