when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
