Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
