that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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