SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
