Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
