i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
