I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
