Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
