Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
