So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
