i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
