im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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