I wish I could teleport
Jerry, you need to find god
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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