yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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