A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
