oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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