When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
