i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
