good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
