Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
