I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
