I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
