Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
