Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
