I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
