Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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