My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
