Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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