I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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