We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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