Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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