i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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