What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
