Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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