i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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