I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
