The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
