this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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