Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize