I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize