i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
