Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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