You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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