I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
