Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
