you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
