so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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