Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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