I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My vagina just recognized that song.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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