she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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