If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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