And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
