Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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