OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
