apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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