my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
