HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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