I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
