how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
