They should really pass out barf bags in church
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
