i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
