i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
