Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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