Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
