i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
