I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
