last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
