I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
